Hampton Roads Daily Press
August 11, 2006
Rookie Lefotu’s Condition Improves
Joe Bugel, who oversaw the building of the Hogs from 1981-89, is upset that another Hogless class entered the NFL Hall of Fame last week. But that’s not his biggest beef with Hall voters.
“Art Monk played a lot of years and was a heck of a football player,” Bugel said.
Monk played for 16 seasons, amassing 12,721 yards and 68 touchdowns on 940 catches. His 940 receptions stood as the all-time career record until Jerry Rice surpassed that standard in 1995, and he retired with the single-season receptions record (106), as well as the mark for most consecutive games with a catch (183).
Kissing Suzy Kolber
August 11, 2006
You Can Be a Hall of Famer!
big daddy drew
In fact, if you’re not nice to the media, that clearly makes you a crummy player. Why, just look at Art Monk! Monk refrained from talking to the media during his career in Washington, so maybe he wasn’t such a good player after all! Right, Dr. Z?
Catching 800 eight-yard hooks does not make a Hall of Famer.
It’s so true! Even though Monk averaged 13.5 yards per catch during his career, his total dickheadedness to the media totally knocks that average down 5.5 yards! So you see? All you have to do is play your cards right with the group of slovenly, pathetic asswipes who are arbitrarily assigned as gatekeepers to the Hall, and you’re a shoo-in! That’s how Frank Caliendo got in last week! So I’ve created this to-do list that will help me curry favor with some particular Hall voters. Wish me luck, not that I’ll be needing it!
Michael Wilbon, Washington Post – Send naked photos of Michael Jordan and Charles Barkley; complimentary VIP passes to the Deja Vu club in Ypsilanti, Michigan. Discuss various topics through the complex prism that we call “race”. Agree with him that liking the NFL Draft is totally stupid, even though millions of people like the NFL Draft and harm no one by doing so.
Paul Zimmerman, Sports Illustrated – Send case of Yellow Tail Shiraz, mustache trimmer, sample colostomy bag kit, bondage photos of Flaming Redhead.
Peter King, Sports Illustrated – Offer to take down dull, non-salacious photos of daughter on website. Send free DVD of “House”, plus copies of “An Inconvenient Truth,” “Bowling for Columbine,” and anything else that appeals to self-absorbed, surburban liberal dipshits. Oh, and two True Miguel Tejada foul balls.
Sid Hartman, Minneapolis Star Tribune – Send year’s supply of Kellogg’s All Bran.
Ron Borges, Boston Globe – Send pictures of naked 8-year-old boys and clown suit.
Bernie Miklasz, St. Louis Post-Dispatch – Send the severed testicles of Rams team president John Shaw; case of pistachios.
John Clayton, ESPN – Buy drinks, tell him that the rest of the 48 contiguous states also fucking hate Sean Salisbury.
Jerrett Bell, USA Today – Send copy of Strunk & White.
Len Pasquarelli, ESPN.com – Send entire hotel pan of clams casino, plus day-old caesar salad.
See you in Canton next summer. My wife will be inducting me.